2010 is officially the worst year of my life. During the past few months I have gone through the most troubling time in my life and it all culminated in the loss of my mom on 8 October 2010. That morning started just like every other morning except I was not planning on going to work that day. My bearings failed on the rear wheels the day before and I was going to have it fixed the next day.
At 06h30 I received a sms from my mom informing me that her sister passed away during the night. I jumped out of bed and rushed to her side. The Sunday before my mom attended a family lunch a distant cousin had in celebration of Thanksgiving. Just before leaving she tripped and fell and bruised her rib. This caused her great pain and discomfort; she went to the doctor and hospital. They both informed her there was nothing to do but take pain tablets and it will heal itself.
When I saw her that morning she was in great physical and emotional pain at the loss of her sister. I tried comforting her and giving words of encouragement.
I left after spending a hour there and got my car fixed. Later the afternoon my dad called me and informed me that my mom collapsed and they called the ambulance. I again rushed to her side. OMG she looked so tired and worn like I have never seen her before. I spoke to her and asked her to hang on about 30 minutes later I heard her shouting "Ek kan nie meer nie" damn she was in so much pain. I ran from my brother’s room to her side and she started convulsing. Her face twisted and contorted like I have never seen any persons face before. Her tongue was forced out of her mouth and she let go of her bowels and somehow I knew that was it.
I spent the last week before she passed away with her every evening after work. I popped in to make sure she was feeling okay. I really feel blessed I could.
Now the passing of my mom has brought me a lot of grief. I deal with it day by day and it seems it gets worse by the day. In the past month or so I have found myself drawing closer to my ex-wife. Maybe it’s the need to for familiar faces, a chance to get close with my kids and family. I miss them so damn much.
Losing the MOST important person in your life your MOM is a huge loss. I have lashed out at my girlfriend because I feel that somehow being with her pulled me away from my mom and on a level it did. Mom never approved or liked my girlfriend (for no specific reason) mom just believed in being with someone the rest of your life. I got divorced and this weighed heavily on her, she never made space for another woman in my life except my ex-wife because the kids come in the package. Mom loved my kids endlessly. She spoiled them and then got angry cause they so spoiled. A greater mom or grandma could not be found.
Here I stand a few days before Xmas and I have made the choice to not celebrate Xmas with my girlfriend but with my ex-wife and kids. After everything that happened this year DIVORCE my mom passing away. I want something familiar I want to spend Xmas with MY family. I want to see the smile of my kids when we surprise them with Xmas in Kirstenbosch. I want them to be surrounded by people they know & love, not being in someone else house celebrating Xmas with people they hardly know or worse stuck in a 1 bedroom separate entrance having fried chicken or something boring.
I want them to have a great Xmas the way we had before all the shit hit the fan.
Before my mom picked up MY slack and I have a lot. This year she is not around to pick up anybody’s slack. Time to step up, be the man she always wanted me to be, be the father she knew I could be. Time to be the SON she brought me up to be
IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?
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