Divorce

So June 7th I finally got divorced. This has been a long process and at one time got very fucking nasty (on my side) I wanted it so bad and when the wife put a few speed bumps in the road I lost it. Not "lost it" as in raising my hand. That shit don't play on my TV fuck that.

Well like I said it's over now. There is ONE small problem tho. I met my wife 15 March 1986 got married Nov 1992 & divorced June 2010.

I think I have to explain that I was fucking major in love with her for the 1st few years. She was all I could think of, all I lived for. After my eldest daughter was born things changed, I still loved her but I lived for the little bundle we brought home from Chris Barnard Memorial Hospital(for City Park Hosp).

Now years later I am dating a super nice woman, divorced and father of 2 gorgeous girls. I am doing everything I should (pay the alimony etc). I have found myself missing my kids (they live with her) but more strange is I miss HER. The woman that I divorced, the mother of my kids, the woman I cheated on hundreds of times while married to NOW I fucking miss all those annoying damn things. the constant talking while watching movies, talking while well fucking talking ALL THE TIME. I miss that.

I might still be in love with her? That is so fucked up I cannot even understand it myself. She still annoys me. I still cannot see myself living in the same house with her BUT and yes there is always a BUT I MISS HER.

I am dating a nice woman (and here is goes again) BUT she is needy. I am not sure I can handle needy. I need her to be independent, I need her to be able to go and not need me as much as she do. I don't miss her cause she is always fucking around. Weekends she spends with me (by the way I like it that she is there BUT) I like it when she leaves and I have the place to myself again. I need the space to try and build a new life. Find a balance between dating, including my daughters in my life and WORK.

How can I let her understand that YES I like having her around BUT I also need to have my space. I have lived with someone else for almost HALF my life and now I just wanna have as much space as problem without having a girlfriend hovering ALL the time.

Who ever said that you HAVE TO SEE YOUR GIRLFRIEND every fucking day? Why can't I just date someone that goes about there life and include me every now and again NOT every damn minute?